You Learn
After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child
And you learn to build all your roads on today
To be happy where you are
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight
The meaning is in the moment
There is no other way to find it
You feel what you allow yourself to feel
Each and every moment of the day
And after a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much
And that trust can be so unjust
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
You charm anger into love
Because you see it as the only means to a better end
You know how to treat yourself well
You are your own best friend
You choose your own footsteps
You live by your own standards
Creating your own happiness
Being responsible for your own faults
And you carry yourself with a backbone dense with self-love
And you learn that you really can endure
That you really are strong
And you learn that you really do have worth
That locked within the moments of each day are all the joys, the peace, the fibres of the cloth we call life
And you learn and you learn
And with every goodbye you learn
- Shoffstall/Rich/Berrie/Minhas
I learned that failure is by and large due to not accepting and successfully dealing with the realities of life, and that achieving success is simply a matter of accepting and successfully dealing with all my realities.
I learned that finding out what is true, regardless of what that is, including all the stuff most people think is bad - like mistakes and personal weaknesses - is good because I can then deal with these things so that they do not stand in my way.
I learned that there is nothing to fear from truth. While some truths can be scary - for example, finding out that you have a deadly disease - knowing them allows us to deal with them better. Being truthful, and letting others be completely truthful, allows me and others to fully explore our thoughts and exposes us to the feedback that is essential for our learning.
I learned that being truthful was an extension of my freedom to be me. I believe that people who are one way on the inside and believe that they need to be another way on the outside in order to please others become conflicted and often lose touch with what they really think and feel. It is difficult for them to be happy and almost impossible for them to be at their best. I know that is true for me.
I learned that I want the people I deal with to say what they really believe and to listen to what others say in reply, in order to find out what is true. I learned that one of the greatest sources of problems in our society arises from people having loads of wrong theories in their heads - often theories that are critical of others - that they will not test by speaking to the relevant people about them. Instead, they talk behind people’s backs, which leads to pervasive misinformation. I learned to hate this because I could see that making judgements about people so that they are tried and sentenced in your head, without asking them for their perspective, is both unethical and unproductive. So I learned to love real integrity (saying the same things as one believes) and to despise the lack of it.
I learned that everyone makes mistakes and has weaknesses and that one of the most important things that differentiates people is their approach to handling them. I learned that there is an incredible beauty to mistakes, because embedded in each mistake is a puzzle, and a gem that I could get if I solved it, i.e. a principle that I could use to reduce my mistakes in the future. I learned that each mistake was probably a reflection of something that I was (or others were) doing wrong, so if I could figure out what that was, I could learn how to be more effective. I learned that wrestling with my problems, mistakes and weaknesses was the training that strengthened me. Also, I learned that it was the pain of this wrestling that made me and those around me appreciate our successes.
I learned that the popular picture of success - which is like a glossy photograph of an ideal man or woman out of a catalogue, with a biography attached listing all of their accomplishments like going to the best private schools or Oxbridge or an Ivy League college, and getting all the answers right on tests - is an inaccurate picture of the typically successful person. I met a number of great people and learned that none of them were born great - they all made lots of mistakes and had lots weaknesses - and that great people become great by looking at their mistakes and weaknesses and figuring out how to get around them. So I learned that the people who make the most of the process of encountering reality, especially the painful obstacles, learn the most and get what they want faster than people who do not. I learned that they are the great ones - the ones I wanted to have around me.
In short, I learned that being totally truthful, especially about mistakes and weaknesses, led to a rapid rate of improvement and movement toward what I wanted.
- Ray Dalio
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child
And you learn to build all your roads on today
To be happy where you are
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight
The meaning is in the moment
There is no other way to find it
You feel what you allow yourself to feel
Each and every moment of the day
And after a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much
And that trust can be so unjust
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
You charm anger into love
Because you see it as the only means to a better end
You know how to treat yourself well
You are your own best friend
You choose your own footsteps
You live by your own standards
Creating your own happiness
Being responsible for your own faults
And you carry yourself with a backbone dense with self-love
And you learn that you really can endure
That you really are strong
And you learn that you really do have worth
That locked within the moments of each day are all the joys, the peace, the fibres of the cloth we call life
And you learn and you learn
And with every goodbye you learn
- Shoffstall/Rich/Berrie/Minhas
I learned that failure is by and large due to not accepting and successfully dealing with the realities of life, and that achieving success is simply a matter of accepting and successfully dealing with all my realities.
I learned that finding out what is true, regardless of what that is, including all the stuff most people think is bad - like mistakes and personal weaknesses - is good because I can then deal with these things so that they do not stand in my way.
I learned that there is nothing to fear from truth. While some truths can be scary - for example, finding out that you have a deadly disease - knowing them allows us to deal with them better. Being truthful, and letting others be completely truthful, allows me and others to fully explore our thoughts and exposes us to the feedback that is essential for our learning.
I learned that being truthful was an extension of my freedom to be me. I believe that people who are one way on the inside and believe that they need to be another way on the outside in order to please others become conflicted and often lose touch with what they really think and feel. It is difficult for them to be happy and almost impossible for them to be at their best. I know that is true for me.
I learned that I want the people I deal with to say what they really believe and to listen to what others say in reply, in order to find out what is true. I learned that one of the greatest sources of problems in our society arises from people having loads of wrong theories in their heads - often theories that are critical of others - that they will not test by speaking to the relevant people about them. Instead, they talk behind people’s backs, which leads to pervasive misinformation. I learned to hate this because I could see that making judgements about people so that they are tried and sentenced in your head, without asking them for their perspective, is both unethical and unproductive. So I learned to love real integrity (saying the same things as one believes) and to despise the lack of it.
I learned that everyone makes mistakes and has weaknesses and that one of the most important things that differentiates people is their approach to handling them. I learned that there is an incredible beauty to mistakes, because embedded in each mistake is a puzzle, and a gem that I could get if I solved it, i.e. a principle that I could use to reduce my mistakes in the future. I learned that each mistake was probably a reflection of something that I was (or others were) doing wrong, so if I could figure out what that was, I could learn how to be more effective. I learned that wrestling with my problems, mistakes and weaknesses was the training that strengthened me. Also, I learned that it was the pain of this wrestling that made me and those around me appreciate our successes.
I learned that the popular picture of success - which is like a glossy photograph of an ideal man or woman out of a catalogue, with a biography attached listing all of their accomplishments like going to the best private schools or Oxbridge or an Ivy League college, and getting all the answers right on tests - is an inaccurate picture of the typically successful person. I met a number of great people and learned that none of them were born great - they all made lots of mistakes and had lots weaknesses - and that great people become great by looking at their mistakes and weaknesses and figuring out how to get around them. So I learned that the people who make the most of the process of encountering reality, especially the painful obstacles, learn the most and get what they want faster than people who do not. I learned that they are the great ones - the ones I wanted to have around me.
In short, I learned that being totally truthful, especially about mistakes and weaknesses, led to a rapid rate of improvement and movement toward what I wanted.
- Ray Dalio